When Marriage and Work Collide

Nearly one month ago, on New Year’s Eve, I married the love of my life, Jenny “Derrick” Pilgrim. I can still remember what it felt like as my heart beat out of my chest as I watched her walk down the aisle to become my bride. She was beautiful. The wedding was wonderful. Everyone cried (except me, I had some dirt in my eye). The reception was a wonderful celebration, and our honeymoon cruise was an unforgettable trip. As we headed home to begin our new life together, I was so excited that I had finally left behind the unrestrained freedoms of singleness and bachelorhood to finally enjoy the ecstasies of marital bliss. But then it hit me, like a train colliding into a brick wall, that one dreaded thing that everyone who has ever been married has experienced… Reality.

Yes, I know, you married folks already saw it coming, but I did not. Suddenly I was no longer an unmarried campus minister who lived by myself with no restrictions. No, I had a roommate now, but not just any roommate. I was now living with a girl. It is a massive understatement to say my life immediately changed. I had to adjust, and I am quickly finding out that life is not all about me. I have a new obligation to love my wife as Jesus loves his Church, and although it is a great joy, it is really hard. I am learning to balance my life at home with my work at Shorter. Whether you are married or single, you have probably struggled between the tensions of the daily grind of work and the challenges of home, all the while trying to figure out what it means to follow Christ as a faithful and obedient disciple. While I admit to being a rookie in marriage, let me offer some practical ways that may help you merge your spiritual walk with Jesus into your secular work.

First, cultivate a grace-filled, gospel centered home. One thing you quickly realize in marriage is that you are married to a sinner, and your spouse will be quick to remind you that he or she married to a sinner too. The Scripture is clear that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). It’s not just that we aren’t perfect… we are sinful, which means that even your closest friends and family will eventually let you down. So when something goes wrong at home and you are left disappointed by your spouse’s shortcomings, be quick to forgive. Be kindhearted and gracious, as God has been gracious to you (Eph. 4:32). This will only be possible if everyone in your home understands the gospel and their own need for forgiveness which can only be found in Christ.

Second, feed your soul with spiritual food. It is well documented that people who eat breakfast in the morning tend to be healthier than those who do not. The same applies in the spiritual realm. Make a practice of reading Scripture daily, meditating on it, and praying that the Lord would help you understand and obey His word. If you miss a day, don’t beat yourself up, just start again the next day. I knew a man who once said that he would never take a bite of physical food until he had first spent time reading his Bible. The Psalmist said, “I rise before the dawn of the morning and cry for help. I hope in Your word.” We would all do well to do likewise.

Finally, work hard at your job as if Jesus is your boss.  True Christians cannot separate their secular job from their spiritual life. Colossians 3:23 says, “And whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as if you are working for the Lord and not for men.” You will never find balance in your life as long as you try to compartmentalize your spiritual walk with Jesus from your daily work. Your relationship with Christ should affect every aspect of your life. My entire life changed when I met Jesus, and my life has certainly changed since I married Jenny. If I love Christ, it will show in my love for Jenny and how I do my job at Shorter. I pray that you will join me and my wife as we serve Christ together in our jobs and at home for the glory of God.